The Leaders' Debate

Hold on to your seats. Three charlatans are about to stage a press conference where they make speeches written by other people and read from an auto-cue. I'll try to contain my cynicism if you try to contain your excitement.

The first ever (in this country) leaders' debate is about to kick off. Let's blog.

8.34 - The stage looks utterly budget. Clegg has a ludicrously shiny tie. He speaks first. Something from his campaign speech about the "old politics" and the opportunity to usher in the new by voting for the Lib Dems.

8.35 - Gordon says that the only thing that matters is the economy and our need to avoid a "double-dip" recession.

8.36 - Cameron completes the opening speeches by reaching into his own campaign mantras. They're all emphasising the themes that suit them, obviously. Cameron said, um, something...

8.37 - Audience question about immigration.

8.39 - Cam thinks there's just "too much", unsurprisingly.

8.40 - They all make the argument that immigration is good ("we're in favour of darkies"), but that we need "tough, new" controls.

8.41 - Gordon claims immigration is actually falling.

8.42 - Cam calls the immigration system "out of control".

8.43 - Clegg sensibly mentions two popular areas of immigration: football and the NHS.

8.45 - First bit of sword-crossing from the leaders. This is going fast. Really having trouble keeping up with this. Gives me something to do other than listen to the debate, though, thankfully.

8.46 - Clegg suggests a regional immigration system, interestingly (sort of).

8.48 - On to crime. Who's got a magic bullet? Not the Gov, says Cam. He tells a "moving" story about a victim of crime. He sounds very, very old Tory on this.

8.49 - Nick Clegg in support for Police shock. He also reminds us that he's an MP. Who the hell didn't know that? People with actual votes? Christ.

8.51 - Ah, yes. Cam blames all our problems on drugs. So progressive.

8.52 - Clegg describes British prisons as "colleges of crime", which is a good line. Nice to hear a politician being even slightly critical of prisons.

8.54 - Clegg basically makes the same point again. Perhaps I'm being harsh here, but it looks like he had a mental blank.

8.55 - Gordon "humanises" himself with a lame and laboured joke about the Tories' election posters.